Category: Blogging


Never before have I been more convinced and full of conviction against this digital prison. We created it, which means we can also create alternatives and a bridge to those alternatives. I will no longer capitalize the I in internet. Why? It doesn’t deserve to be a proper noun. Sure, it is an undeniable source of many things, but as a source, it is also endless, and because people are powerless to resist, it controls and manipulates lives in ways that were once unthinkable.

You may say, “It’s the way life is now,” but can that be said without considering the implications of a blind acceptance of technological momentum driven by money-hungry corporations, etc? Sure, maybe for some, but for all people? And I’m not talking about being scared of technology, I’m talking about knowing that it is important and even essential in our lives… moderately, that is. Yes, a balance is the most important, and considering so much is done via computer now, in many definite ways, we are slaves. There are so many ways to emancipate ourselves from all this stuff too. Everyone’s silent… waiting… waiting for what? While waiting for something outside to occur, nothing inside is possible. Just further enslavement. Where’s the limit? Where does it end?

Being off of TV now for over four years, maybe I’ve lost touch with reality as you know it, but I am in touch with a reality of my own, a new reality I am the sole architect of and acrobat in, where silence and solitude are the norm. I have a computer in my office, but none at home. I use my smartphone sparingly: mostly flashcard apps for learning things, jotting down notes, taking pictures of silly things and sending them to people and the occasional album. I also check my email with it, an email address from which I send messages to old friends only to hear nothing, from some people, ever.

I wouldn’t mention it here if it was just a few people, but it’s an epidemic. Maybe the messages are discarded mistakenly. Maybe they’re lost in the spam folder and then deleted. But, when I have people acknowledge that they got the message, how should I feel? When I get an email, I respond within a reasonable time frame. When I get a letter, I try to do the same.

Letters! What happened to them? I still mail them, though much less now, as seems to be the trend. How can we reverse these trends, seemingly turn back time to recapture something meaningful (not just when thought about with nostalgia), something lasting.

I reactivated my facebook today with the dual intent of getting some pictures from it and giving people shit for not responding via other media. Talking to a few people, I realized they have their own lives, and I’m satisfied in mine, so interfere? I don’t want a reply at this point anyway, just wanted them to feel ashamed that they didn’t respond because of wasting time on things that I consider meaningless because they impose limitations on interactions.

Don’t you understand, I’d rather boycott it than be a member, regardless of what fun and frivolity is to be had?

Blogs offer more, but they also require more, and are rarely filled with original perspectives, mostly idiosyncratic, selfish ones (mine included) and are thus a waste of time if the time spent reading them is not carefully monitored.

In conclusion (for now), what is this digital world? Devour your despair with distractions? Distractions, you mean unnecessary invasions of a life that is too short and too precious to be wasted here. So stop reading now. Please, I implore you. Get off the computer and go outside. Not to spend money, and even if it’s merely to wander for thirty minutes before you return here, at least you’ll have gotten some fresh air.

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I have been living in the Republic of Korea since August of 2009, and during my ever increasing time here, my opinions regarding many things have changed (an inevitable part of living, really). Learning Korean, I’ve also had a different experience than a lot of foreigners who either don’t try or don’t progress. At first, I really wanted to speak the language very well quickly for whatever multifarious reasons, but lately I’ve been a bit lazy and just enjoying understanding without showing off. Others do know that I understand—the knowing eyes and pained/taxed expression from listening—no need to reply.

With a month to go before my Visa expires, and it being vacation time, even though I’m working at a two week writing camp for Yonsei at the phantom friendly Seongdo campus over in Incheon, I am still able to linger on the job prospects (have been looking for a new one since February or so) and worry. Maybe I was a bit selective, and I did have two interviews, neither of which was offered nor a job I was particularly willing to take. Perhaps I would have worked at either out of convenience, but probably wouldn’t be happy. I’ve thought a lot about leaving the country, especially recently. Haven’t decided what I’ll do yet.

Perhaps it’s more a matter of never staying on the path long enough or being dissatisfied because I haven’t been on the path long enough or haven’t produced as much as I might have liked. Each day is only so long, and not having a computer, facebook or TV has made me so productive, and there’s only so much to do before I start to lose sleep to do what I consider essential. Whenever I feel this way (meaning I’m happy and headed in the right direction), something inside clicks and I start to get in my own way. For instance, alcohol has been a constant problem… I would crave a night of drunken debauchery, and feel numb and indifferent to how/who I was beforehand. Lately though, I haven’t been drinking. Or, when I have, it’s been in moderation, and definitely never when upset. There are plenty of people who drink too much without reason… I know where to find them, yet they’re not my true friends nor ever were or will be; they’re soul stealers who only need a companion in banter and chaos… that companion is no longer me. Now, if I do drink, instead of getting crazy or feeling shitty afterward, I feel fine, and the actual time drinking is usually an affirmation of life and happiness… nothing else. And now that I have been on a level-headed path for so long and should continue, I’ve come to some conclusions:

Grin and bear it. Seriously. Though the world is full of fuck heads and con artists and assholes, those people also have hearts you can access if you yourself are honest and give it a try. Smile, laugh, share the warmth, they hide or you expose from within yourself, and you’ll see those people will open up. But only if you open up honestly, without ulterior motives. I’m thinking of two individuals in particular right now, one a security guard at my job, and the other’s the owner of my favorite restaurant in Hayang. Both are older Koreans: the first male, the other opposite. The first was always grumpy and one day I smiled and laughed when I saw him and he burst out laughing… probably mumbled that I was crazy, but that was the first time in nine months that I’d ever seen him laugh. The other has a serious façade, but when you put time in, she’ll open up and be friendly and real with you.

Maybe it’s not this place that’s the problem, but me. Lately I’ve felt not scattered, but disconnected and confused, being without old friends or a meaningful dialogue with them for so long. What hurts is that they’re disconnected too, so that when I try to contact them… Nothing. Maybe I will never get rid of this blog, but as soon as this round of job searching is over, I’m gonna shut of my phone when I’m not using it. Why? Because I check my email hoping to see responses—selfishly wanting others to contact me, I think it’s selfish if they don’t—just because I’m so focused and on top of things, I shouldn’t expect others to be.

Bottom line, and a somewhat unrelated point, is that everyone isn’t perhaps racist, but has an intense fear sometimes bordering on hatred regarded Others: those whom we do not know intimately, and in many instances, do not wish to know. And that’s the kind of pigheaded bullshit that gets people to say, “My country is the best in the world” and other bullshit that’s fed to them by their Retainers. Ignorance precludes such feelings. You know what? People all over this soiled sphere say that about their countries, political parties, sexual preferences, favorite colors, foods, sports, etc. And do you know what I think?

They’re all wrong. This is the best planet (in the solar system only?) and this is the only life we know… so why worry about what we don’t know? Just go about your day to day doing the absolute best.

We get what we give. We might complain, “Blah, blah, blah,” but it’s really nothing when we consider how others are doing. Sure, life may not be what we want, but it never was nor might ever be, so shut your mouth and use all that built up negative energy to burn a fire toward making this already limited life closer to the way that fits you. Without destroying others.

Nathan’s Birthday

Spoke to my seven year old brother yesterday. He requested some TV character cake for his birthday May 8th, to which our sister said May 6th. He then informed me that he had changed the day and that others tell him it’s May 6th, 5th or 4th. I asked if he knew when his birthday was, and after a pause, he sighed. “No.”

Smart phone

I spent about 20 minutes writing  a blog using a normal keyboard. Towards the end of that time I experimented with the experimental voice feature, which I am using now. Though it makes some mistakes such as confusing must with most, it’s efficient applicable ity actually exceed any expectations I might ive had. ( I am leaving any hours in the box that I do with voice because I think it’s fun just there I said voice not box. Unless it’s late in my voice perhaps is the txt tired. A lass it is late and my voice perhaps a deep and tired. Alas. Finally it knows the word).

Lol my phone this thing really sucks.  Dnforum voice for this is not doing very well it continues to mess up many many many times d l o g no b l o g became block no mother was thing lol. Another word became roll recipe what the #### does that mean. I’ll come on you don’t like this where is your sister. I said another word for feces knots where is your sister. N o

O c

Today I destroyed my computer. I threw it off the balcony, and retrieving it from the pit where it was partly smashed, brought it back to my room and tore it apart. My efforts were interupted by a phone call from the girlfriend, but I will continue the destruction later. Spread it out over a week or a few days. Savor it.

Two weekends ago I had left it at a computer repair shop and picked it up last weekend, paying around $100 total for some hardware repairs and a Windows reinstall. It worked okay for a few days, and started having problems again almost right away. Problems I’ve fixed in the past, but I learned to hate the computer so much without it for those nearly four months.

Not having a computer has been nothing but a blessing. It is nearly impossible to live without a computer, and that doesn’t mean I must own one. I pledge not to get one ever again, and want to stick to that pledge. Seriously. What I want more than anything else right now is an amanuensis, someone to help with the administrative aspects of editing and manuscript preparation; I will merely focus on writing and reading. Writing. Reading. Writing. Reading. Etc. Instead of using a machine to compose fiction, I will be the machine for it’s creation.

Congratulations, you’re a year old today. You’re still a baby and will always be my baby, but you’ve come a long way. As have I. This anniversary is more amazing than the first year in Korea. Mostly because I think the reader can see a drastic metamorphosis in my person—it’s been a believable document of change and will continue to be so. I am astonished and honored.

Writing a blog has transformed my mind, my writing and what I share with others in ways I never imagined or anticipated and I am most thankful for that. Instead of a journal, which is too interior and rarely consulted, I often read over this blog’s entries and others do as well, adding to its potential for fueling change.

This is the two hundred and thirteenth post and though this blog is a work in progress and will forever remain such, I have high hopes and ambition and wish to see it continue to improve. This first year has been a learning process, and though I still don’t understand 100% how to proceed, I’m learning and growing everyday. Able to see this first year in hindsight, I’m truly proud of my accomplishments. Though I shall never attain perfection, I can do my best to attempt it, yet also not be disappointed meeting failure or devastating defeat.

Self Referencing Blog

This blog is a living, breathing beast, thus I’d like to use it to contribute to itself. Though I have no shortage of new ideas and drafts of posts in progress, I’d like to continue with some of the old ideas, perhaps come to some conclusions. Linking separate posts by naming the new ones II and IIIs, whatever respective title is necessary. This move is a sign that I’ve started to take this blog more seriously—realizing that there are gems here about myself and the world, and it’s time to polish and display them.

Indefinite Hiatus

Dio’s death was the harbinger of darkness, but without darkness the shining sun would not be as piercing and radiant.

The two turns of fate that occurred tonight are much too close to report—thus the decision to end this blog—for the time being. Though this has certifiably been the WORST night of my entire life, I will persevere: my strength is infinite.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and support. Endless love!