After drinking soju with guys from the hostel last night, they gave me shit. I’m stronger than ever before—usually I would have gone along because I wanted, no, needed their acceptance—but this time I said I’d rip out one of their throats if he kept disrespecting me. Neither did they expect this, nor appreciate it. One of them wanted to fight, and I told him I didn’t want to, but I’d kill him if he tried anything. My roommate diffused the situation and told me he supported me: they were just being stupid.

After changing and getting on the subway to go to some random club, I lost them. KaJin had been texting me, so I decided to go to her subway stop to see her. Calling her repeatedly, “I’m drunk,” I heard some guy’s voice and she said it was her boyfriend and “I don’t like you.” I kept calling and we talked for a long time. Finally she said she would meet me to say goodbye—that’s all I really wanted—and then no response.

Again I cried… more than Tuesday to put on an inadvertent show for the subway riders as I stumbled through. Screamed “Never!” in Hongdae and hearing it repeat.

Text “why lie?” to all the girls who wouldn’t talk to me. The girl I met on the subway the same night I met KaJin called and we had a nice conversation and she gave me advice. Closure indeed.